And so it was,
This is the story of Kevin AKA the Big Prick.
Now, the last time anyone saw Kevin was when he was awarded to PARTY PIE at SQUATTERS run two weeks ago.
Everybody at the circle just assumed that Kevin would be brought back to the hash a week or so later with another notch on his depth gauge and a slightly depleted diameter.
However, Kevin's story this week is so much more interesting. You see, Kevin was cast aside by PARTY PIE and left in PEEPING PERVERTs Ute for over a week. The Ute
was parked at the back of a Brothel in Fyshwick where it sat and eventually piqued the interest of two lads, Darren and Trevor, both apprentice motor mechanics working
in the area at TERRY'S TURBO'S. After much discussion over a couple of Melbourne Bitter long necks, Dazza and Trev decided to make a bit of extra cash and steal the Ute,
drive it to Sydney where a "colleague" of theirs would give the ute new plates, new colour scheme and convert it into a 2008 BMW X5.
So, the two lads busted the window, hot wired the ute and as they were driving up NorthbourneAvenue, disposed of everything in the car not considered of value. Trev
reached under the seat, grabbed the plastic shopping bag that Kevin was in, gazed unbelievably at what was in his lap, recoiled in horror, dry retched and threw the bag,
and Kevin, out of the open window, the bags also contained PARTY PIES opera glasses, matching red suspender and garter set, a set of steak knives and that Shirley
Bassey CD that the PPs have been looking for "for ages".       
82 year old Edna Ogdenthwaite, widow of Stan, was walking home with her weekly grocery shop, accompanied by "Bluey" the overweight cattle dog when a rustling 
in the gutter caught her eye. Edna picked up the bag, took it home and put the bag by the front door, meaning to look in it later. Kevin was in danger of being employed as an
"Art Deco" door stop. Now Edna had been under police surveillance for weeks and as fate would have it they choose this night to raid Edna's home and arrest her for the
murders of eight backpackers who she had lured into her home under the pretext of a nice warm bed and a homecooked breakfast.
Kevin was collected as evidence.
As the police sifted through the artifacts collected from the Hackett "House of Horrors" they came across the bag with the PPs gear in, assumed that the owners were victims
but rang the phone number on the Shirley Bassey CD anyway. PEEPING PERVERT answered the call and was invited down to the station to give evidence and claim the bag.
At the station the contents of the bag were spread on the desk in the interregation room. and PP was asked to identify his belongings. Anyway, to cut a long story short, PP is
now on the Feds watch list due to the constant mentions of hash, Mrs PP is now able to cook and eat steak again and Kevin has a police record.